Emotions are a funny thing. They are actually what make the human experience so incredible, and yet we spend so much of our time fighting or avoiding them. In this post, we’ll take a look at why that is and why actually allowing ourselves to feel our feels (yes, all of them) can be so beneficial and empowering. We’ll then explore how to sit with your emotions, because most of us were never actually taught this!
Why Do We Avoid Our Emotions?
The short answer to this question is simply because some emotions are just no fun to feel. Who wants to let emotions like sadness, fear or anger in when we know we could be feeling happy or peaceful? Or maybe we avoid the good feelings because there’s a fear that they will be taken away. In either case, we might find ways to ignore, avoid or suppress the emotions we don’t want to feel. Problem solved, right? Wrong.
When we suppress our emotions, we think we successfully made them go away. And they probably do go away for a while, which reinforces this idea. But have you ever noticed that they tend to come back with a vengeance at a later time? So naturally, we push them down with a bit more force. Maybe cover them up with some more distractions. But eventually they start breaking through the surface again.
Making our emotions go away isn’t a real option. But feeling them can be really uncomfortable. How do we bridge this gap? Well first, it can be helpful to know the benefits of pushing through this discomfort to feel our feels.
Why We Should Sit With Our Emotions
The truth is, there’s a place in this world for all emotions, even the most uncomfortable ones. Just like grey, rainy days help us to better appreciate sunshine, our more negative emotions create context for our positive emotions. Even if you are the luckiest, most abundant person on this planet, life will not be a completely upward track, because happiness is not an ultimate destination. This journey will come with its ups and downs, and sometimes we might soar higher than we thought possible or plunge deeper than we were prepared for. But luckily, we can strap ourselves in securely and better prepare ourselves for this bumpy ride called life.
There’s an expression we use in the therapy world that goes something like this: What we resist persists, but what we can feel we can heal. One thing to know about emotions is that they are all temporary, as long as we create space for them. Yes, that includes positive emotions. Moments of happiness and joy and laughter will eventually change, but that means that moments of sadness or fear will too! If we can allow ourselves to feel and process all of these emotions, we can get through them instead of being stuck in them.
If you’re still feeling a little hesitant, you may find it helpful to know that emotions actually only last 90 seconds! A little stunned by that short amount of time? So was I, because I’ve definitely experienced emotions that lasted longer than a minute and a half. But as brain scientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor explains, the initial chemical reaction taking place in our body as a result of an emotion only lasts 90 seconds. If this reaction lasts longer, it’s because we are continuing to feed it with our thoughts, instead of actually feeling and processing it.
So how do you sit with your emotions, so that they do not get stuck in an ongoing loop? Luckily there are many different ways to do this, which we will explore below. I highly recommend combining several of these techniques to really help you feel and process your emotions. But even practising just one is a great place to start!
7+ Ways to Actually Sit with Your Emotions
Name It to Tame It
There is power in naming things. We see this in a concept coined by Dr. Dan Siegel called Name It to Tame It. The idea is that when we can name or label what we are feeling, it can help to take away some of that emotion’s power over us. The act of naming the emotion actually causes the upper, more logical part of the brain (i.e., the Rational Brain) to send soothing chemicals down into the Emotional Brain. The result? You now feel calmer.
Sometimes it can be difficult to put a name to what we are feeling. Luckily, there are tools designed to help us do just that! A simple tool that I love using is the Feelings Wheel. I’ve also recently been introduced to a cool app called How We Feel, which helps you to identify your emotions.
Find It in Your Body
The connection between mind and body is incredibly strong. That is why emotions are typically paired with physical sensations. For example, when you are stressed, you might feel it as tension in your shoulders. Anxiety might show up as a ball of lead in your stomach. Happiness might be a feeling of lightness and expansion in your chest. A great way to sit with your emotions is to notice where and how they are showing up in your body.
Once you have located the emotion in your body, just let your attention settle there for a few moments. If your brain wanders (which it will), try using adjectives to describe the sensations you are experiencing in your body. You can do this out loud, in your mind, or even write down how you would describe these body sensations.
Breathe into It
For something that our bodies are supposed to do naturally, you would be surprised at how often we forget to breathe. I think this happens even more when we are feeling strong emotions that we are trying to fight or push away. Next time this happens, try breathing into it instead. You can do this by bringing your attention to your breath, noticing your inhales and exhales. And if you followed the above tip and were able to notice where you feel the emotion in your body, go ahead and breathe into that area. This can help to create space for that emotion.
Visualize and Describe It
Sometimes it can be hard to process what we can’t see. The solution? Visualize what you are feeling. Ask yourself, if this emotion had a shape, what would it be? What colour would it be? Does it have a texture? How big is it? How heavy would it be if I were to hold it in my hands? Once you have a solid visual, you might practise seeing this tangible emotion sitting in the room beside you, or even several feet away. Notice how it feels to have some space from this emotion. Then ask it what it needs from you, and simply listen patiently for the answer.
Get Creative
Did you know that the right hemisphere of the brain, which is considered the emotions side, is also strongly connected to creativity? Knowing this, it makes sense that being creative can help us to better experience and express our emotions. Next time you are sitting with your emotions, pull out a piece of paper and see if you can draw what you are feeling! Or if drawing really isn’t your thing, you could try one of the following:
- capture a photo to represent how you are feeling;
- compose/play a song on an instrument;
- use your body to physically represent the emotion;
- make a collage;
- sculpt your emotions using clay.
Get Moving
Moving our bodies is a fantastic way to connect with our emotions. This became really evident to me when I started taking yoga classes – I would be working my way through the poses and all of a sudden, tears would come to my eyes. For others, going for a run allows them to process their emotions. Whatever it looks like for you, find a way that allows you to truly connect with your body mindfully and pay attention to what emotions come up!
Consume Content That Reflects That Emotion
Ever feel like you need to cry but you just can’t? If you’ve ever experienced this phenomenon, there’s nothing like videos of soldiers reuniting with their families to draw out those tears. Okay, so that’s very specific. But my point is, we can use media to our advantage to help us feel our feels! Need to cry? Watch something that you consider a tear jerker. Feeling heartbroken? Listen to some breakup songs. Need a good laugh? Watch some funny TikToks.
Conclusion
I get it, sitting with your emotions can be scary and uncomfortable, but I also know that there is freedom and growth on the other side! All it takes is a little bit of courage and a willingness to embrace our emotions so that we can live a more authentic, empowered life. Hopefully this post has left you feeling clearer on how to sit with your emotions. I invite you to find which of the above tips resonated with you, give them a try and see what difference you notice, even in as little as 90 seconds!
