Have you ever realized how much easier it is to set a goal than to actually achieve it? The world is full of people who set New Year’s Resolutions and drop them by the end of January tops (and I say that as one of those people). Dreaming about the future we want is fun! But actually following through on what’s necessary to reach that dream? Not so much. Luckily, with the help of the goal setting tips listed below, we can bridge the gap between dreaming and doing!
Decide on Your Why
This one might seem like an obvious tip, but it’s actually not! Do you want to know why? Because most of us are ruled by the word “should”. As in, I SHOULD do this, I SHOULD do that. But how many times do you actually reach the goals that you SHOULD do? My money is on not often. SHOULD goals are motivated by shame, and shame is a lousy motivator.
Let’s try a little experiment. I want you to think about something that you actually WANT. Imagine yourself having that thing or doing that thing for a moment. Feel that spark? That’s called intrinsic motivation, and it’s way more likely than shame to get you where you want to be.
If we can connect with our WHY (i.e., the reason we want to achieve a specific goal), we’re more likely to want to follow through with our goal, even when things get tough. But the key is that our WHY has to be important to us, otherwise it won’t be motivating.
Ask yourself this: what do I TRULY want? And eliminate the word “should” from your vocabulary here, as well as any reason why it might not work out. Forget all timelines and expectations that are imposed on us by society and do some soul searching. When we aim for goals that align with our values and desires, we are far more likely to achieve them because they are way more rewarding to us, and therefore more motivating.
Start Small (seriously)
This next tip is going to be one of the hardest goal setting tips for perfectionists to follow. Do you have a goal in mind? Great, now break it down into the small steps it will take to get there. Now break these small steps into even smaller steps. And maybe go even smaller. Why am I asking you to do this? Because as humans, we like to shoot for the stars. Which is great, never stop dreaming baby! However, we also like to overwhelm ourselves with these huge goals to a point where we have no idea where to start, and so we give up.
Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT for short) offers a great technique called graded task assignments. In less fancy talk, this translates to breaking a task or goal into small pieces. We’re talking as teeny tiny as they have to be until the step in front of us feels achievable.
Let’s say you want to run a marathon – some days the step in front of you might look like going for a 5k jog. Other days it might look like just getting out of bed and putting on your running shoes and seeing where the rest of the day takes you. Either way, it’s a step in the right direction! (Pun slightly intended.)
So, take your goal and break it down as much as you need to, until the first step in front of you feels achievable rather than overwhelming. Focusing on the step in front of you rather than the entire staircase can help with taking the pressure off. And the little dopamine hit you get from completing that step often motivates you to start on the next step – bonus!
SMART Goals
SMART goals will pop up on most goal setting tips lists, and for good reason. SMART is an acronym defining which criteria our goals should meet so that we are more likely to succeed. It stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-Bound. You may have come across different words for some of the letters, but that’s the gist of it! Below, I’ve broken down what each word actually means.
Specific
This one’s pretty self-explanatory. Basically, you want your goal to be as specific (who saw that coming) as possible. That means details, details, details! We are less likely to reach goals that are vague. An example of a vague goal: I want to read more. A more specific goal: I want to have read 100 books by the end of the year.
Measurable
Next, we need to have some way of measuring whether we have achieved our goal or are at least moving in the right direction. This could be very concrete or less so, as long as it’s a meaningful form of measurement for you. If we take our reading goal example from above, we could measure success by keeping track of how many books we’ve read.
Achievable
There’s a sweet spot between a goal that is too easy and one that is too difficult. When something doesn’t challenge us at all, we often lose interest in it. On the flipside, if something is way too challenging, we are more likely to give up on it, because why put ourselves through that? But when you find that middle ground, where you feel somewhat challenged but not overwhelmingly so, that’s where we hit true motivation!
If you work 40 hours a week, have a ridiculous amount of chores to complete, are committed to a bunch of social engagements and have very little time to yourself, trying to read 8+ books a month might be unrealistic. And expecting yourself to do so would just set you up for failure and a feeling of shame. So really consider what is realistic for you and your current lifestyle when setting goals.
Relevant
This one relates somewhat to my first point (i.e., finding a goal that truly speaks to you). If a goal is not relevant to your lifestyle, wants and/or values, it won’t be particularly motivating for you. Similarly, if you are breaking your goal down into smaller goals, these should all be related to your overall goal. If you are trying to read 100 books in a year, you’re not going to set the smaller goal of going for a run 3 days a week to help you achieve your reading goal.
Time-Bound
The final element of a SMART goal revolves around time. As in, put a deadline on it! As a university student, there was nothing more motivating to me than a looming deadline for getting assignments done. Same principle applies here – we need to add our goals to our calendars. If we don’t specify this, we won’t prioritize working towards our goal and it will just keep being pushed off.
If you are working with a long-term goal, break it down and set deadlines for your smaller goals so that you are not stuck playing catch-up. If I want to read 100 books in a year, I might try to read at least 2 books a week to stay on track.
Make Your Goal Even Smarter
For this next goal setting tip, I have taken the liberty of tacking a couple extra letters onto the SMART goal. In my opinion, if we want to make our goals smarter, we need to consider the E and the R – emotions and rewards!
Emotions
We talked about deciding on your why and looking at what truly motivates you to want to reach your goal. But let’s go a step further and tap into how you want to feel when you reach this goal! Take a second to visualize yourself achieving your goal. How does this feel in your body? What emotions is this bringing up? Tap into that, especially during those times when things aren’t going smoothly!
Rewards
Never forget to reward all your hard work. And this is not just me recommending this, this tip is backed up by behavioural science. Rewards are reinforcing. That is, when you reward a behaviour, that behaviour is more likely to happen again. Do you want to keep getting closer to achieving your goal? Reward yourself for the steps you take along the way!
A little bonus tip, make sure these rewards don’t go against your overall goal – if your goal is to save up for a trip, maybe don’t go on a shopping spree when you hit each savings milestone. But do make sure the reward is something you actually enjoy! If you don’t find it personally rewarding, that kind of defeats the whole purpose.
Plan for Obstacles
There is only one given when it comes to goal-setting: something will always get in your way. Things happen in life, and there will be obstacles between you and your goal. But let’s not be discouraged by this! Rather, let’s think like a boy scout and be prepared.
Here’s what I’ll invite you to do first: think of the obstacles that are likely to get in your way as you work towards achieving your goal. These could be external things such as lack of funds or time, environmental factors, etc. But don’t forget to consider internal factors as well! I know for myself that my anxiety is usually one of the biggest obstacles I face when working towards most of my goals. Other culprits could include perfectionism, self-doubt, not prioritizing your goals, low energy days, etc.
Next, start brainstorming things you can do when these obstacles inevitably present themselves. Better yet, what are some things you can start doing now to lessen the chances of these obstacles showing up? Of course, we might never be able to foresee everything that will pop up along our journey, but we can definitely help to make it a smoother ride.
Get an Accountability Partner
Accountability: the greatest insurance for reaching our goals in my opinion. But sometimes holding ourselves accountable is really hard. The solution? Let’s look to external sources!
When I was in graduate school, one of my goals was to submit big assignments well ahead of the deadline. Did I meet that goal for most of my classes? Nope. Turns out best intentions weren’t sufficient. Enter my final project, which I was determined to finish weeks in advance of the deadline so that I wasn’t stuck doing it during the grind of the final weeks of my student practicum.
Spoiler alert: I succeeded! And that was all thanks to getting myself an accountability partner. In short, my friend and I would meet over Zoom weekly to decide what we wanted to accomplish that day. Then we would work independently for a few hours and check back in to celebrate our wins. This truly made all the difference for me.
Most of us are more concerned about letting someone else down than about letting ourselves down. And that’s okay, we won’t psychoanalyze that right now! Instead of beating ourselves up about it, we can leverage it to our advantage. Depending on what your goal is, consider getting yourself an accountability partner – this can be a friend or family member, therapist, coach, personal trainer, etc.
You can also find some other creative solutions that help to keep you accountable! This could be a tracking or reward system, signing up for events in advance, etc. I know that I am terrible at keeping myself accountable for working out. But when I sign up for group sports, I’m sure to get a regular workout in because I already paid and I don’t want to let my team down!
Be Flexible
My final tip might very well be the most important goal setting tip, and that is to be flexible. As I mentioned before, obstacles will always pop up in the pursuit of your dreams. But this is not a reason to give up on your goals completely. Rather, it’s a beautiful opportunity to revisit your goal and make it even better. If we can bend in the face of adversity, our goal will be less likely to break.
One way to do this is to start viewing slip ups as learning opportunities. So you didn’t reach your goal when you wanted to. What if instead of beating yourself up over that, you celebrated what you did achieve and used your experience as new data? This is most likely where we’ll see the obstacles we weren’t able to foresee when we were planning for our goal, and now we can reformulate our goal with this additional knowledge.
I feel that we often look at goals as a linear process, and that couldn’t be farther from the truth. While we can have a clear idea of where we would like to end up, the process for getting there will most likely involve some trial and error and some detours along the way. And that’s great, because this is where we often receive something even better than we could ever have imagined. So, enjoy the journey, including all the twists and turns, because these are what will teach you what you truly want.
Conclusion
Ready to set new goals or resolutions? Try out some of the goal setting tips above to increase your odds of reaching your goals. I wish you the best of luck as you work towards your dreams, and I know you can do it! If you ever become frustrated, just remember that the journey might be full of detours and construction work but you are still on the road and at the wheel!
PS – is one of your goals for this year to get a better handle on your mental health? Check out these posts for inspiration:
